Last weekend my Mom and I were cleaning out the storage closet next to my room that enshrines about 7 years worth of pom poms, ceramic angels, music boxes, and chapter books. It’s all the things from my childhood that I could never throw away between moves and new closets. Mixed in between science notes and more books we found several of my journals from when I was tiny—like second grade tiny. Needless to say I was an extremely weird kid. My thoughts in fifth grade on the absentee ballot recounts in the 2000 election were delightful as I’m sure you can imagine, and my trusty doodle of Bush junior had a very realistic side part as he said “haha” to a very white-guy looking Al Gore. Gore could only reply “oh man.” The illustration really brings it home I think. haha. I did learn one very important thing from reading those little stories I wrote about mermaids and my friends who I wrote into little mythical creatures. I was extraordinarily imaginative as a child, and often the only time that I feel the most at home now, at 21 years old, while in my own skin and in my own half chosen routines are those moments when I imagine tiny alternate universes in my life. They peal off of the minutes like coriolis winds that collapse in on themselves. I feel especially depressing and awkward tonight so I’m going to write about it. haha. I want to make a serious effort to live more in those pealing points. That’s not to say that I want to do the whole LIVE LOVE LAUGH YOLO thing. That actually seems like the worst idea ever. I just want to be a bit braver and not hesitate to let my mind wander into the dark alleys or the silly could-it-be’s that I think I was given a gift for exploring. I never like to talk about things I may or may not be good at. I use phrases like may or may not. The worst kind of phrase! I explored for two months last summer and I am an entirely different person because of it. I think there’s something to be said for cutting and running. If you had asked my seven year old self what I would think of a person who pivoted at every interesting opportunity for 30 seconds at a time…..no more, no less…..I think I would say that person had it almost right but not quite. Cutting and Running is an entirely different gift that I’m not sure anyone has ever really mastered. I’m just going to start asking my seven year old self everything. Right now she would probably think that a glass of wine sounds like something a Princess would do. I think being a princess doesn’t sound too bad.
Inner Child
